


Pet

by devo79



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M, Rape/Non-con References, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-14
Updated: 2012-04-14
Packaged: 2017-11-03 15:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devo79/pseuds/devo79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angel rescues a nearly dead and broken Xander from Spike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought the non-con stories about Spike and Xander were a little wrong. Wrong in the sense that Xander almost always ends up loving Spike despite being tormented. I always believed that to be unlikely and not very realistic. So this is my take on the Pet!Xander idea.

“Mom?” Xander put the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter. Maybe she was already a little drunk. His Dad was probably home as well. “Great,” he mumbled.

“Mom, I bought some food…Mom?” Xander started walking through the kitchen and was going toward the living room when he stopped. His feet felt like they were glued to the floor. His eyes widened as they took in the trails of blood on the carpet. There was a handprint on the old wallpaper. A red and wet handprint.

Xander stopped breathing when he saw Spike leaning against the doorframe to the living room. The vampire smiled and slowly dried his blood smeared hand off on his black jeans.

“Spike?” Xander knew he should run. Knew that it might be his last chance. But what if his mother was still alive somewhere in the house? What about his Dad?

Spike became a blur of motion. Before Xander could react the blond vampire was pushing him against the wall. Sinking his fangs deep in Xander’s throat.

\----------------------------------------------

He was floating and moving. It felt a little like sailing. He’d done that once. It wasn’t a big boat. Actually it was tiny and his Granddad had made him wear an inflatable vest. Just in case. He still remembered the lulling motion. The sense of being suspended. Floating.

There was music. Loud music. And someone singing along with…what was that?

“I am an anti-Christ, I am an anarchist…Hey are ya waking up, Whelp?” Someone…Spike?…slapped Xander’s shoulder hard. ”I wanna destroy the passer by…C’mon, Xander sing along!”

\--------------------------------------------

When he finally came to he was curled up in the corner of a room. His throat hurt and his mouth was dry. Xander attempted to get up. The door was right over there. Right over…

“So ya awake. Good,” Spike came out of another door naked and drying his hair with a big towel. “Was beginning ta think I took too much blood,” Spike licked his lips and grinned “Was gonna just drain ya. Get a good meal an’ piss off out of Sunnyhell…” the vampire walked over to Xander and knelt down oblivious to his own nakedness “Ya just tasted so bloody good,” Xander pushed back against the wall. Away from Spike. The vamp just laughed and went over to the bed in the middle of the room. “Gotta remember ta thank your dad for this nice motel room…ups guess that’ll be hard. Him being dead an’ all.”

“My…my,” Xander tried.

“Your?” Spike tilted his head and smirked.

“M-my Mom?” he finally croaked out and looked up at the vamp.

“Didn’t feed off her. Bloody drunk. Needed a clear head, I did.” Spike started pulling on his jeans “Just played a little with her,” the vampire knelt down and whispered in Xander’s ear “Oh but could she scream beautifully,” Xander closed his eyes “An’ your dad…wrote a pretty little message for the Slayer on the walls with his blood.”

\-------------------------------------------

He woke up and started screaming. Spike was straddling him. Spike. In game face. The vampire laughed and put his hands against Xander’s shoulders and leant in. Leant down. And buried his fangs in Xander’s sore throat.

It was a strange sensation. His blood being pulled from his body. Spike’s cold nose resting against Xander’s jaw line. Spike started rubbing the shuddering body‘s chest. And while still drinking from Xander he started unbuttoning the boy’s shirt.

Xander passed out.

\----------------------------------

Xander tried to push Spike away. Tried to turn his dizzy head away. It didn’t help. Spike was tired of his screaming and begging.

“Ain’t helping,” Spike said as he hit Xander again. His fist connecting with the already bruised jaw. The vampire pried the boy’s lips apart and forced his mouth open.

Xander was gagged.

\---------------------------------

They were staying in an abandoned house somewhere. Somewhere? Xander had no idea where and it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he was going for a walk, going shopping or would try to find a decent place to eat. Pizza or Chinese. Burgers. Food? Xander smiled. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and leaned a little more against the cold wall.

Ice cream and brownies. Baked potatoes and steaks. Chips. Cookies.

Spike barged through the half open door and looked around. His blue eyes settled on Xander’s shivering form. He smiled and said

“Fed good an’ proper tonight. Won’t be needing ta feed off ya…” the vampire stretched and sighed “I’m as strong now as before those bloody wankers put that shite in my head,” he looked at Xander again “Had my bit of violence and my blood. Think I could do with a good shag.”

Xander closed his eyes. But it wouldn’t help.

“Didn’t ya hear me, Whelp?” Spike asked with amusement. Xander opened his eyes and nodded “Good. Now ya know wha’ ta do,” Xander stood up and slowly…God he was always so dizzy…made his way over to the old and worn mattress in the corner of the room. Spike smiled “Yeah, that’s right. I’ll be back in a second. Get ya kit off,” the blond vampire turned and left the room.

Xander’s fingers were numb as he unbuttoned his shirt. It didn’t take long. There weren’t that many left anymore. The zipper in his pants had been ripped out a few days earlier so he just had to unbutton the metal button and slide the pants off.

When Spike returned Xander was sitting naked and shivering in the unheated room. The vampire licked his lips and walked over to the boy.

“On your stomach,” Spike commanded.

\--------------------------------------------------------

He was sore. All over. And in places he decided he wouldn’t think about. Sore and shivering and still gagged. His lips were permanently too dry and chapped. The edges of his mouth red and bruised.

Spike would sometimes leave the gag in for days. Leave it in until Xander couldn’t feel his jaws . It wasn’t really necessary anymore. The gag. He never said a thing. Nothing. Nada.

Spike would sometimes look at him and talk about Xander’s mother. How she screamed. How she had attempted to call the police. That part always amused Spike. How she had slowly slowly dragged her sorry ass over the hallway floor. “The stupid bint was going for the door,” Spike snorted “Like she had a shot at getting away,” at this point the vampire would always stop and look at Xander. He always asked

“Wha’? Ain’t ya got nothing ta say?”

\--------------------------------------------

“He makes to much fucking noise,” Spike told the large horned demon. They were both looking down at Xander’s mumbling and crying form. So what if the stupid moron had a broken hand and fingers. There was no need to be so bloody vocal about it. They could hear him despite the gag.

“My brother had this pet. She’d scream every time he wanted to have some fun. But he got her fixed,” the demon looked down at Xander as he spoke.

“Wha’ you mean fixed?” Spike asked and prodded Xander’s hand with his foot. The upset pet screamed.

“Got her vocal cords taken out. Worked like a charm. No more screaming,” the demon nodded happily.

“Sounds expensive,” Spike said.

“Could do it with magic I guess. Not as permanent but cheaper,” the demon conceded.

\--------------------------------------------

The gag wasn’t necessary anymore.

Xander had lost what had always been his only defence.

His voice.

\-------------------------------------------

Xander once, back in Sunnydale, joked about how he was always hungry. God how stupid he’d been. He hadn’t a single clue about hunger back then. Not real gut wrenching hunger.

Spike hadn’t fed him for…He didn’t even remember how long. The last thing he’d eaten was the crust from an old pizza slice. He’d found it on the floor under the table. A week? Maybe more?

When the hunger got to be too much he would suck on his wrist. For some weird reason that fooled his stomach into thinking food was on the way.

It wasn’t.

\-----------------------------------------------

Xander wrapped his arms around his middle and started rocking back and forth a little. He hadn’t seen Spike for at least a week or maybe two. He hadn’t seen anyone.

What if Spike had forgotten about him? What is Spike had been dusted? What if…

The door was locked. Of course the door was locked. The doors were always locked. No matter where they stayed Spike always made sure Xander wouldn’t be getting out. Wouldn’t escape.

The room was dank and you could see the condensation on the windows. Xander would lick the water off those grimy windows in an attempt to get rid of the dryness in his mouth and throat. He couldn’t do anything about the hunger.

He felt light-headed and tried to keep still. If he didn’t move he didn’t use up unnecessary energy. 

The worst thing was the hoping. Hoping that Spike would come back. Hoping for Spike.

He’d be good. He’d be real good if Spike would just come back. Xander hated being alone. Hated being cold. If Spike would just come back Xander would try harder.

He’d be real good.

\-----------------------------------------------

“Don’t know,” the drunk vampire said as he stood in the doorway pointing at Xander “Don’t know wha’ the hell ‘m doing with ya,” Spike took another swig from the whiskey bottle “Didn’t plan it…ta-taking ya with me.”

Xander kept his eyes focused on the floor. Maybe Spike would just go away. Go away and let him get a full nights sleep.

“Ya changed ya know,” Spike said as he stumbled over to the mattress. He sat down next to Xander “Ya used ta snark all the bloody time. Was an annoying little brat, you.” another swig from the bottle “Getting awfully tired of looking at ya. Sitting around and looking all pitiful,” Spike turned and looked Xander in the eyes “Pretty,” the vampire mumbled “Pretty eyes.”

Spike was studying his face. Looking for something. Xander closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Spike lean in and kiss him. Cold fingers started tugging at his pants.

“Get ya kit of, pet. Wanna have some fun.”

\-------------------------------------------------

God he was so cold. He vaguely remembered being this cold before. Once. A long time ago. He’d visited some relatives. It snowed. Where did they live again? Uncle Pete? Was that his name? Yeah Xander was almost certain that it had been his mom’s brother. Xander had stayed outside and played with his cousins. Played in the snow for so long his fingers and toes went numb.

He was so fucking cold.

\-----------------------------------------------

His right shoe was soaked with blood. His blood. Spike thought it would be fun to see how much Xander could bleed if he cut into the boy’s ankle. He told Xander to stand still or he’d get something worse. So Xander just stood there and tried not to move when the vampire started cutting.

“Let’s see, pet.” Spike said grinning with amusement “Let’s see how much you can bleed?”

Apparently a lot.

\----------------------------------------------

The demons were playing poker. Spike had been winning and drinking. He’d look over at Xander’s shivering form now and again. Made jokes about those bloody weak humans and their bloody annoying bodily functions. Xander just made sure not to move. If he could keep out of Spike’s way he’d be okay.

One of the demons kept eying him and licking its lips. Spike noticed.

“He’s pretty, yeah?” the blond vampire asked.

“Oh yeah. Real pretty,” the demon seemed to be thinking about something and then asked “Hope you don’t mind me asking but do you share him?”

Spike looked at Xander. Seemed to consider the question. Xander tried to look even smaller, tried to stop shivering. But with the fever he just couldn’t control it. He took a chance and looked up at Spike. Up and into blue eyes. Spike smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. Why not? ’S not like he’s been behaving himself lately anyway.”

The demon smiled and said “Have somewhere?”

“Sure. Mattress in there,” Spike said and pointed at the bedroom door “Have fun.”

The big demon dragged Xander toward the door. The demon kicked it open and shoved Xander down on the mattress. He looked at Xander’s too thin frame and yelled

“Not much meat on him, is there?”

Spike snorted “Not been feeding him much lately,” and continued to play cards.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Afterwards.

After the demons left.

After the demon climbed off Xander.

Spike came in and looked down at his pet. Xander was curled into a small shivering ball. His knees pressed against his chest. He was thin. Spike could count the boy’s ribs. He knelt down on the mattress and slowly ran his hands down the shivering back.

Xander was warm. Too warm. The weak git probably had a fever. He hadn’t really planned to share his pet. But he was getting bored. The boy started a low almost inaudible keening.

“Shut ya mouth,” Spike demanded and Xander did. But seeing him naked like that made Spike reconsider.

“On second thought,” he said as he turned the boy over and opened his own jeans “Open ya mouth.”

\---------------------------------------------------

“Ya hungry?” Spike asked. Xander nodded. Maybe this time he would actually get fed.

A few days earlier Spike had asked him the same question. The vampire had showed his pet a big bag from McDonald’s. Spike had very carefully taken each item out of the bag and placed it on the floor next to the mattress. Burger, fries, coke, a muffin and Xander had been excited. Until Spike started laughing and ate it all himself. Slowly. Telling Xander how good it all tasted.

So now Xander made sure not to get excited. Spike just looked at him. Tilted his head and said

“Don’t seem real happy ’bout getting fed,” Spike frowned “Not hungry enough then,” and with that he took the brown paper bag and threw it in the thrash can in the corner of the room.

Xander curled up under his blanket and tried to sleep.

Four days later Spike pulled the bag out of the thrash can and told Xander to eat.

Xander did.

\----------------------------------------------

“Nice an’ warm,” Spike whispered in Xander’s ear “So bloody warm,” which was weird cause Xander only felt cold, never warm. The vampire was pulling the blanket away from Xander’s naked body. Cool hands grabbed hold of his hips and pulled him closer to the spooning blond.

If Xander concentrated he could pretend that this wasn’t happening. He did that sometimes. Pretended that he was somewhere else. His favourite fantasy was simple. Maybe that was why it always worked.

Him and Jesse. Just doing stuff. Skateboarding or reading comics. Talking about Star Trek and Star Wars. Having long and elaborate discussions about which captain was the best. Kirk or Picard?

Jesse said Kirk. Xander said Picard.

Or they would be hanging out with Willow, although Xander had a hard time imagining Willow. It was like her face was all wrong. Blurry. Jesse was always right. He looked like he always had. Back then. Back when there was no such thing as vampires.

Spike moved a little away and then pulled on Xander’s leg until it was positioned over the vampire’s thigh. There was no preparation. There never really was. Xander tried to move away, just a little. Spike grabbed onto his upper arm and squeezed so hard Xander couldn’t help but gasp.

“Stay put,” Spike said and pushed in “Just stay the fuck put or I’ll break ya arm,” Spike chuckled and started thrusting.

Jesse had really loved ice-cream. And not just any ice-cream. It had to be Banana and Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. He’d act like he was going to die if it was just plain vanilla.

”If ya’re real good I’ll get ya something ta eat,” Spike promised in between low moans. Xander let Jesse go for now. He needed to eat soon. He could make it good for Spike if it would get him food.

He slowly started moving back against Spike. Moving back and forth. Letting his hand reach back and settle on Spike’s hip. Caressing.

”Yeah…like that, pet.” Spike huffed against Xander’s neck ”Just like that.”

Xander went in and out of consciousness. Every time he was clearheaded enough he would do everything to make it better for Spike. More enjoyable. Maybe it would be enough. Maybe he would get fed.

Spike finished. Pulled back and got off the mattress on the floor. He was buttoning his jeans. The vampire looked down at Xander.

”Yeah,” he said ”Ya need ta eat I guess,” Spike turned around and left Xander alone. Alone with Jesse. And a big pile of imaginary comics.

Xander turned to look at Jesse sitting on the edge of the mattress. Who’s best, Jesse? Xander thought and stared at the gloomy room. Superman or Batman? Man of Steel or Black knight? Jesse didn’t answer. Maybe he was just as disgusted by Xander as Xander was himself.

\------------------------------------------------------

Spike kept his promise and got him a pizza. The vampire was dragging the delivery guy along with him. A scrawny teenager with big ears and too long limbs. The kid, John his nametag said, looked freaked out.

Xander ate his pizza while the kid begged for his life. Begged Spike to let him go. Begged Xander. In the end it didn’t really matter. John ended up as a jumbled heap of arms and legs in the corner of the room.

Right next to the thrash can.

\------------------------------------------------------- 

“Xander?” someone whispered.

Oh God, he really wasn’t up to round five in Spike’s sex marathon. He passed out last time. Passed out and woke up in a small puddle of his own blood. If Spike…

“Xander? Oh God no! Xander?!”

Why the hell did Spike sound so upset. It couldn’t be the cuts on Xander’s back. The vampire had made those himself after all. Made Xander lay face down on the old stinking mattress. Made Xander show his gratitude after each and every painful incision. Spike had said that Xander needed to be marked as property. That was what it had been about. Marking Xander. So Spike had used the same knife he had cut the pizza with. Still dirty and greasy. Used it to carve Spike’s name in his pet’s back. William the Bloody. Spike had made jokes about how appropriate it was that the mark was bleeding.

Barely there touches on his back. Ghosting over his mangled skin.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Anger evident in the voice “I’ll find him and make him suffer.”

“God Angel…Oh God”

“Let’s get him out of here, Buffy.” the angry voice said “We need to get him out of here.”

He felt strong hands around his waist, holding him up, guiding him.

“He’s so thin,” a small broken voice whispered “so thin.”


	2. Chapter 2

He was going to smack that fucking smirk right off Spike’s face. The blond vampire slowly backed away until he was standing against the wall. The bar had emptied pretty fast after the two vampires had started fighting and when Buffy joined in even the bartender ran off.

“Where is he?” Angel asked barely restraining himself. 

“Who? Peaches are ya missing someone?” Spike chuckled.

“I’ll dust you…” Buffy was interrupted by Spike

“Now that won’t be a good idea Slutty. ’M the only one that knows where the whelp is, yeah.” Buffy looked uncertainly at Angel “He’ll be dead before ya figure out where he is,” Spike slowly walked forward “He’s terribly thin. Only feed him if he’s a good shag,” Angel growled but Spike simply continued “Now if ya let me go I’ll let ya know where he is.”

Buffy seemed indecisive but Angel slowly nodded.

“We let you go and you tell us where Xander is,” the older vampire demanded.

“Yeah,” Spike agreed.

“Angel! He…he’s a two-faced piece of shit we can’t…”

“If ya keep insulting me I might just decide not ta tell ya,” Spike warned.

\--------------------------------------------

Angel looked at the abandoned house. Old and situated in a slightly overgrown garden with ferns growing close to the walls. Buffy and Willow stopped right behind the large vampire. Angel looked back at Buffy. Fear was etched into her face making her look gaunt and pale. Willow was holding the slayer’s hand and making small noises in an attempt to calm herself down.

\---------------------------------------------

They finally found the boy curled up on an old stinking mattress. Willow gasped and wouldn’t enter the room. Buffy knelt down next to the shivering body and looked like a hurt animal. 

“Xander? Oh God no! Xander?!” the slayer reached out wanting to touch the boy but stopped. Xander’s skin was a mess. Blood covering most of his back and Angel could see a few of the letters carved into the skin. The vampire reached out and gently, barely, touched the shivering back. Letting his large hand ghost over the mangled skin.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Angel said, anger evident in his voice “I’ll find him and make him sufferh” his hands rested against the mattress. Clenching into fists.

“God Angel…Oh God” Buffy seemed frozen to the spot. Incapable of action.

“Let’s get him out of here, Buffy.” Angel said attempting to soothe her “We need to get him out of here,” the vampire slowly reached out and tenderly pulled Xander close. Wrapped his arms around the skinny waist, held him and guided him. But Xander was too weak to walk and Angel carefully lifted him up and cradled him in his arm. As they moved out of the room, Buffy first, followed by Angel carrying Xander, they passed Willow in the hallway.

The little witch was pale and tears ran down her cheeks. When she saw Xander she closed her eyes and whispered in a small broken voice.

“He’s so thin…so thin.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

“He needs a doctor,” Buffy said looking out. Staring at the cars passing by in the dark. Angel nodded.

“We can’t take him to a hospital,” the vampire stated and looked at Buffy. Xander was in the backseat sitting next to Willow. Every time she tried to touch him he would scamper away pressing his shoulder against the door. The witch looked as if she could break any second now.

“W-why not?” Willow asked “H-he needs a doctor. He’s hurt.”

Angel concentrated on driving as he said “The doctor would have to report it. The police would get involved,” he turned slightly and looked at Buffy “How would we explain his injuries? The fact that he’s been starved? Tortured?” Buffy looked away her eyes filled with tears.

“There’s more isn’t there?” the slayer wouldn’t look at Angel “More…Spike did more than torture him,” it wasn’t a question so Angel didn’t answer. Willow started crying.

\---------------------------------------------------

The tall demon Angel had called looked at the curled up and shivering young man on the bed. Xander had latched on to Angel’s hand and wouldn’t let go. The demon started taking items out of its large bag and placed them on the nightstand.

The motel room was small and seemed smaller with the slayer and the witch looming over the bed. Buffy had only reluctantly agreed to let the demon take care of Xander and she had demanded to be present at all times.

“I will need help undressing him,” he looked at Buffy “Perhaps you…”

“No! I…I…No,” Buffy looked horrified and she turned expectantly to Willow. The witch swallowed a lump in her throat and stepped forward.

“I-I’ll do it,” she said her voice almost inaudible.

Angel started to get up off the bed but was stopped by Xander. His frail thin fingers clutched around Angel’s wrist. They all stood still. Xander’s eyes moved frantically around the room. Searching. Fearful. Angel gently caressed Xander’s hand and sat back down.

“Maybe,” the vampire said and looked at Willow “Maybe he isn’t ready for you to see this.”

The witch simply turned around and left the room.

“I-I’ll go with her,” the slayer’s shoulders slumped as she turned and left. Angel looked up at the demon and the demon reached out and put its long slender hand over Xander’s eyes and said

“Sleep.”

\----------------------------------------------------

Angel was furious. His anger grew with every revealed scar and wound. He helped the demon get Xander’s dirty torn jeans off. His eyes focused on the finger shaped bruises on the boy’s hips. Focused on the bit marks on the inside of Xander’s thighs.

Focused on his own rage.

“Do you wish for the spell to be removed?” the demon asked as it cleaned the raw cuts on Xander’s back. Angel looked confused. Spell? Why had Spike felt the need to use a spell? Xander was broken. There was no need for a spell.

“What spell?” Angel asked looking as the letters on the boy’s back slowly became visible when the demon dried the blood away.

“The silence spell.”

\------------------------------------------------------

The demon removed the spell and Xander immediately started talking.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry please please tell him I’m sorry I didn’t want to leave please tell him I’ll be good I will promise promise I’ll be so good I won’t make a sound I won’t just please please don’t tell him I’ll be good I’ll be good I will I will please…”

Angel pulled the naked shivering boy into his arms careful not to touch the cuts on his back. Xander continued to promise and beg. Angel looked up when he heard the door open. Giles silently walked in and put a bag on the floor. The watcher nodded and turned before he could lost control.

“I-it’s some of Xander’s clothes and…I-I’ll be outside…if…if you need me,” and with that the watcher left and quietly closed the door behind him.

\------------------------------------------

“What now?” Buffy asked quietly.

She didn’t want to wake up Xander. He was finally sleeping. After hours and hours of mumbling he passed out still holding on to Angel’s hand. Every time one of the others had tried to touch him or even sit on the bed Xander had started crying and begging “Please don’t please I’ll be good I will.”

Willow had left. She just couldn’t handle it and Tara had held her as she had said goodbye. Xander hadn’t reacted. It was as if he only really acknowledged Angel. Giles was sitting in a chair by the door, his hands rubbing against his face. The watcher looked worn out.

“Xander will be staying with me,” Giles said and looked up at Angel.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” Angel asked gently.

The watcher didn’t answer.

\------------------------------------------

“Nononono,” Xander chanted when Angel pried the boy’s hand out of his. Xander was sitting on Giles’s couch rocking back and forth. “I’ll be good please please don’t leave me please please,” Angel stepped away leaving Xander hunched up on the couch “I-I’ll be good please,” Angel walked toward the front door. He didn’t look back.

“Nononononononononononononono,” the chant followed the vampire out of the door. Angel looked at the door he had just closed behind him. He reached out and put a hand against the dark oak and whispered

“Sorry.”

\----------------------------------------

“Angel!” Willow‘s voice was shrieking and Angel held the phone away from his ear.

“What? Willow?” the vampire mumbled as he got out of bed.

“Oh God Angel! You you...”

“Calm down Willow,” Angel said as he rubbed his eyes and stretched.

“He won’t eat and he stopped talking and he just sat there holding your shirt and he won’t...”

“Willow slow down…My shirt? What are you talking about?”

Willow sighed “You left a shirt in the laundry hamper. At Giles’. Xander found it. He wouldn’t let go of it and Buffy she…she just…”

“What? What did Buffy do?” Angel asked with worry.

“She just ripped it out of his hands. She threw it out. So he just stopped.”

“Stopped?”

“Stopped everything. Stopped talking. Stopped moving. S-stopped eating…but Buffy she forced him…” Angel sat down on the bed as he listened to Willow’s voice “She force-fed him. He…I think you need to come get him, Angel.” Willow sobbed “Please come get him.”


	3. Chapter 3

Angel stood in Giles’s living room listening to Buffy rant.

“He just sits there and moans and cries. We got him out...shouldn’t he be happy about that? It’s been a month since we got him back here and all he does is sit there and…”

“You took my shirt away from him?” Angel interrupted her “Willow said…”

“Yes I took it away. He kept dragging it around,” Buffy huffed “He even slept with it. I took it away because then maybe he’d start talking to us,” the slayer’s eyes were filling with tears “And then he stopped eating…he wouldn’t…I-I.”

Giles gently touched her shoulder and Buffy sighed and looked down at her feet.

“Where is he now?” Angel asked Giles.

“In the spare room. Willow is with him,” the watcher said as he helped Buffy sit down on the couch “I tried everything, Angel. Buffy she…” Giles looked at the slayer “She went too far when she tried to force-feed him. He hasn’t really spoken since then,” he sighed.

\----------------------------------------------------

The room was dark and smelled of sweat and fear. Angel reached out to turn the light on. Even if he could see in the dark that didn’t mean that Xander or Willow could.

“Don’t,” Willow whispered “He just fell asleep.”

“He okay?” Angel whispered back. He moved over to the bed and sat down. Willow was sitting next to Xander. The boy was sleeping on the edge of the bed. As far away from Willow as possible. The witch looked tired and sad.

“No,” Willow answered shaking her head. “Why Angel?” she asked her hand inching closer to the sleeping form next to her but still not touching. “Why does he want you? He never liked you before…H-he should want his friends around. So why you?”

“He was in pain. He’d been in pain probably since Spike took him away. Six months in Hell, Willow,” Angel said trying to explain “Then I…The first person to touch him with care…the first person who didn’t want to hurt him…He just latch on to me because I was there.”

“But,” Willow made sure to keep whispering “But he was surrounded by friends. We would never hurt him…never…” the witch suddenly looked horrified “Buffy…she…”

“You still want me to take him with me?” Angel asked the troubled girl.

“I-it’s for the best…at least right now. We…” Willow sighed and looked sad “We aren’t any good for him right now,” she moved off the bed “He needs you. Not us.”

\------------------------------------------------

Xander was sleeping quietly in the passenger seat next to Angel. The vampire had draped his coat over the curled up boy and Xander immediately pulled the coat closer. Caressing it even though he was asleep.

A low whimpering made Angel look over. Xander was clutching the coat against his chest his fingers white with the strain. The whimpers turned into keening. Xander started to shake uncontrollably. Angel reached out and touched Xander’s shoulder wanting to sooth. The reaction was a complete opposite. Xander started to cry and beg

“Sorry…I won’t…I’ll be good…I’ll make it good,” the tears ran down Xander’s pale face “Please please please don’t I’ll be good.”

Angel started looking for a motel.

\-----------------------------------------------

He carried Xander into the dark motel room. Gently putting him down on the bed, hoping his sleep would be less disturbed now. Angel started undressing him. Shirt and pants. Leaving the t-shirt and boxers on.

Even with most of his body covered in soft cotton the scars still stood out. Still screamed Xander’s pain out for all the world to see. The bit marks on the inside of Xander’s thighs were almost healed but the scars would never disappear. Angel pulled the uncomfortable chair closer to the bed and sat down.

\-------------------------------------------

“No please no please please,” Angel woke up. Xander wasn’t on the bed. He was crouching in the corner of the room whispering and rocking gently back and forth his arms wrapped around himself.

“Xander?” Angel slowly moved forward “Xander come on you need to sleep.”

“No no no please Spike I’ll be good just not not him he he always makes it hurt so much,” Xander started crying and kept whispering “I’ll be good for you I will just please not him he makes it hurt.”

Angel clenched his hands. Spike had shared Xander. Given him away. It was bad enough that Spike had abused the boy but to let others…

“I promise please…” Xander’s eyes seemed unfocused.

“Xander?” Angel knelt down in front of the boy “Xander I’m going to touch you. I’m going to get you over to the bed,” the vampire reached out and gently helped Xander up and over to the bed. Suddenly Xander grabbed on to Angel’s hand.

“Please not him,” Xander looked scared “He…it hurts. I’ll be good.”

“I know you will,” Angel whispered as he made Xander lay down on the bed. “I know…” he spooned the shivering body “I won’t let him hurt you. I know you’ll be good.”

“Promise,” Xander whispered like a frightened child.

“Promise,” Angel said as he started running his hand through Xander’s dark hair. “Promise”

\------------------------------------------------

They were in the car again. This time Xander was awake and seemed almost conscious of what was happening around him. Angel felt a little restless and reached out to turn the car radio on. Xander stopped moving and his eyes were fixed on the radio.

“Don’t,” Xander begged “I don’t wanna sing along,” pleading eyes found Angel’s.

The vampire slowly pulled his hand back.

“Are you hungry?” Angel asked wanting to break the silence.

“NO!” Xander frantically pulled away pushing back against the door.

“Hey…hey Xander,” Angel stopped the car and turned to face the frightened boy “You don’t have to…You won’t have to earn it. I just want you to eat. Okay?”

Xander slowly nodded. His eyes still panicky.

\--------------------------------------------------

Cordy silently cried. Her hands covering her face. Xander. Her Xander. He looked like a terrified child. Cordy had tried to hug him. She just wanted to show him how happy she was seeing him again. Xander had pulled away and he ended up hiding behind Angel.

Telling. No begging the vampire. Xander’s half broken promises had torn the Seer’s heart out.

“Please I’ll be good…I promise…I’ll be good.”

\----------------------------------------------------

“He’s sleeping now,” Angel said when he walked into the kitchen. Wesley looked up and nodded. Gunn seemed uncomfortable. Whether it was because of the broken boy or Cordy crying Angel didn’t know.

“I’ve done a little reading on human pets. I must admit it’s…it’s disturbing information,” Wesley said closing the book he was reading.

“Disturbing?” Gunn asked “The guy looked like…” he shook his head.

“Spike used him. Xander was with him for six months,” Angel said and leant against the kitchen counter “Spike broke him down…passed him around,” Cordy started crying again “I’m sorry Cordy really I am but…”

“It’s the truth…Facts,” Wesley said and looked at Angel. The vampire nodded.

“Xander doesn’t need us to pretend nothing happened. He needs us to know. We can’t help him if we don’t know what happened,” Angel looked away from the humans “I’ll tell you everything I know about vampires having humans for pets.”

“From your own experiences?” Wesley asked.

“Angelus,” Angel growled “He had pets…Humans. They didn’t last long.”

“Tell us,” Cordy quietly said.

“The first one…” Angel sighed and ran a hand thru his hair “The first one was a teenage girl…fifteen maybe sixteen. She didn’t last long. Angelus…he…I was young and didn’t have much control. She bleed out after a day or two.”

“The second was a man. A soldier he…lasted longer…I had more patience. Angelus broke him. Made him doubt everything. And then…then he killed him. Slowly,” Angel remembered how it had taken a week for the young man to die. Remembered how his broken body had refused to let go.

“But Spike kept Xander alive for months. How? Spike was never very patient,” Wesley asked.

“Spike’s lack of patience might just be what kept Xander alive,” Angel looked at Wesley and continued “Spike didn’t have the patience to truly break Xander…That kind of thing takes time and persistence.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Cordy abruptly stood up “Are you seriously telling me that he…” she pointed up, indicating where Xander was sleeping on the second floor “That he isn’t broken?”

“If Spike had broken Xander completely he wouldn’t be begging…he wouldn’t do anything unless Spike told him. If Spike had broken him completely Xander wouldn’t have eaten when I told him to,” Angel explained “Xander would be starving himself because his master wasn’t here to tell him to eat.”

“So there’s hope?” Gunn asked “He’ll be all right…sooner or later?”

“Of course,” Wesley said when Angel didn’t seem ready to answer “He just needs time.”


	4. Chapter 4

Spike was looming over him. Cruel smile and fangs.

“Hello pet,” a cool hand crept up Xander’s thigh and he closed his eyes “Now,” the vampire said “none of that, you hear. Want ya to see.”

Xander slowly opened his eyes. Sometimes if he just did what Spike wanted him to it didn’t hurt so much. He watched as the blond vampire held a knife up. Turning it so it caught the light from the naked light bulb. A shiver ran through Xander’s emaciated body. Spike was taunting him and it was always worse if Spike took the time to taunt.

“Spread your legs,” the vampire whispered in Xander’s ear “And don’t move,” Xander did as he’d been told. Spread his legs and waited. “So pretty,” Spike commented as he moved closer.

The pain was like a fire spreading from the inside of his thigh. Spreading like a wildfire making his nerves scream even if his voice couldn’t. Spike was smiling down at him as the vampire lifted his hand to show Xander the blood slowly running down those slender pale fingers. Xander started shaking.

“Now c’mon, Xander.” Spike smirked “S’not even that deep a cut.” Xander tried to stop. He begged every muscle in his body to stay still. To avoid the vampire wanting more. But he couldn’t. He had no control. Not over the situation. Not over his own body.

Spike whispered in Xander’s ear “She knows…Buffy…she knows you're with me. Here. I called her and told her weeks ago. But you know what?” the vampire smiled “She just couldn’t be bothered…Slutty the Slayer…she couldn’t be bothered coming here…for her donutboy. She has no use for ya. Worthless piece of shite that ya are. Don’t need him, she said. Keep him,” Spike watched as Xander’s eyes filled with tears “Kill him, feed off him, fuck him, ’s what she said.”

Xander started screaming.

Strong arms wrapped around him. Rocked him back and forth. Cradled him.

“Xander? Xander wake up,” a deep caring voice implored “Just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. He can’t hurt you no more,” Xander opened his eyes and looked up. Dark brown worried eyes grounded him.

“Buffy told him…told him to keep me…“ Xander’s broken voice filled the dark room.

Angel shook his head “No, Xander. No she never knew where you were…we looked everywhere for you,” Angel pulled the covers closer around the trembling boy.

“I’ll be good…” Xander whispered just as he fell asleep.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Cordy had stocked the kitchen with all kinds of food. Some she knew Xander loved, some she knew Xander would need if he was ever to be healthy again. She closed the cabinet door and turned around to look at Angel. He was sitting by the kitchen table. The vampire was practically leaning against it. His large body curled in on itself as if attempting to conserve energy.

“Angel?” Cody began and smiled sadly when the bleary eyed vamp looked up at her. “Not getting much sleep are you?” Angel shook his head and continued to look down at the mug of blood in his hand.

“He has nightmares,” Angel looked over at the door to the lobby as if he expected Xander to come through it “He gets even less sleep then me…Every hour or so an ugly memory pops up and scares him half to death.”

Cordy nodded “Maybe...” she said “Maybe this is more than you can handle?”

“I’m not sending him back there,” Angel angrily got up.

“I never said you should,” Cordy held her hands up trying to calm Angel down “He sleeps in his own room?” she asked. Angel nodded. “And you run from room to room?” Angel nodded again. “Have you thought about letting him sleep in your bed?” Cordy gently touched Angel’s hand.

“No…I wouldn’t do that to him. Cordy, he still thinks he has to earn everything. Food, warmth, comfort,” Angel sighed “If I let him sleep in my bed he’ll think I want to be repaid. Like Spike.”

“You are nothing like that piece of shit!” Cordy angrily shouted.

“Thanks, Cordy but…Maybe I should just let him sleep through his nightmares?” Angel said. “Let him get stronger by dealing with them on his own.”

Cordy wanted to tell Angel what a huge mistake that would be but the blinding headache and the vision stopped her.

\----------------------------------------------------

“Nononononononono,” Angel could hear Xander mumble in his sleep across the hall. It was the fifth time in as many hours. After he and Gunn had taken care of the young woman needing rescue in a dark and dank alley Angel came back to the hotel only to find Xander hiding in the bathroom.

“Please please Spike no no not that please…” Angel was standing with his hand on the door handle. All he had to do was open his own door and walk a few feet to Xander’s. He could hold the boy. Calm his sleep.

The vampire sighed and rested his head against the door. He needed to be strong. Xander needed him to be strong. Needed him to…the crying stopped and Xander’s breathing slowed down. Good, Angel thought as he fell face first onto his own bed.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Angel opened the door. He’d had a good night. After Xander had calmed down he hadn’t heard anything from the boy’s room. Angel ran a hand through his hair. He was going to go down to the kitchen and make Xander some breakfast.

It was pure luck that he looked down. Pure luck that he didn’t step on Xander. The boy was sleeping on the floor in front of Angel’s bedroom door. Curled up like a cat, wearing only a pair of grey sleep pants.

Angel knelt down and stroked Xander’s naked back gently. Spike’s mark was still there. A constant reminder that they hadn’t been fast enough. Xander whimpered and Angel withdrew his hand. So much for Xander dealing with his nightmares alone. The vampire touched the boy’s cheek and smiled when Xander relaxed.

He pulled Xander close making sure not to move too fast and lifted the boy up. Xander’s skin was cold. Had he been sleeping out in the hallway all night? Angel put the sleeping boy down on the satin sheets and tucked the covers around Xander. Xander burrowed down in the soft mattress taking deep breaths.

Angel lay down next to him, on top of the covers, and Xander slowly inched his way closer. Ending up with his back pressed against the vampire’s chest.

\--------------------------------------------------

“So,” Cordy announced “I think we all deserve something to eat. After all we,” she looked around the room “saved a whole busload of kids from getting eaten by Snot demons.”

“S’nat demons,” Wesley corrected the beaming ex-cheerleader.

“Whatever!” Cordy smiled at Xander. He looked over at Angel and then smiled back. It seemed fake and reluctant but it was the closest thing to a real smile she had seen yet.

What Cordy really wanted was to hear him laugh. Almost two months at the Hyperion and he still hadn’t laughed. It was as if he didn’t know how. As if laughter was a foreign language.

“Yeah, man. We did pretty good,” Gunn said stretching in his chair.

Xander had stayed at the hotel when Angel and his crew had gone out. Lorne had stayed with him. They seemed to be getting along fine, the demon and the human. Maybe because Lorne hadn’t known the old Xander. Lorne had no expectations, so Xander probably didn’t feel like he was letting the demon down by not being that Xander.

Angel noticed Xander looking at him “Xander? You okay?” the boy nodded and made sure not to make eye contact “Something you need?” Angel asked and moved closer. Xander nodded and whispered. Angel smiled “Sure you can go have a bath. The food will be here when you’re finished.”

Cordy and Wesley were busy arguing about what kind of takeout they were going to get. Gunn hoped Wesley would win. Tofu was not food no matter how much Cordy glared at them when they told her so.

Gunn watched as Xander left the room. “He still asks permission for stuff like that?” he asked.

“Yes. He asks permission for everything,” Angel looked at Gunn and smiled sadly “He’s scared to death that he’ll do something that’ll make me send him away.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

They were all seated around the kitchen table eating and laughing. Gunn was telling them about his encounter with a lust leprechaun.

“Very different from the lucky ones,” Gunn laughed. He described how he’d been forced to lock himself and three of the “biggest meanest guys,” from his crew up in a public toilet. “We just needed to get the hell away from that little freak,” he said as he ate another slice of pizza.

The sound of a heartbeat hammering away made Angle turn and look behind him. Xander was standing there. His body shaking. Angel slowly got up. “Xander?”

Xander started backing away his eyes locked on the cardboard box the pizza had been delivered in. His eyes started darting between the box and Angel. Back and forth until Angel was so close that he could reach out and put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. Xander dropped to his knees. His hands, shaking and clumsy fingers, reaching up and landing on Angel’s thighs.

Everyone in the room had stopped moving only Xander’s hands were in motion as they found the zipper.

“No Xander,” Angel gently moved Xander’s hands away “No…You don’t need to earn it. You…” The memory of a dead kid made Angel stop. John, his nametag had said. Crumbled in the corner of the room they had found Xander in. “I won’t hurt anyone Xander…Nobody is getting hurt.”

Xander disintegrated in to a shuddering and mumbling heap on the floor and Angel simply picked him up and lifted him up the stairs to their room.


	5. Chapter 5

He was covered in warmth. He didn’t really remember what it felt like to have a fever. 250 years of being dead would do that to you, but he was pretty sure it must have felt like this. Warmth spreading through his body.

Small huffs of warm air. An almost inaudible murmuring voice. He loved these mornings. Mornings spend cuddling. Angel slowly turned around so he ended up laying on his back. Xander was now resting against the vampire’s broad chest and the boy made a small snuffling sound and clenched his hands around Angel’s upper arms.

The nightmares were almost completely gone. It had taken three months of holding Xander tight and stroking his back to give him a restful sleep. 

Warm lips pressed against Angel’s shoulder as Xander moved impossibly closer, snuggling into the vampire’s embrace.

Xander still didn’t laugh and rarely smiled. Cordy had made it her personal crusade to make Xander laugh. She still hadn’t been successful. Not that something like that would deter her. Angel kissed the top of Xander’s head and closed his eyes.

He found it harder and harder to keep his physical contact with Xander non-sexual. Angelus accepted the boy as his pet. A pet in need of protection and discipline. But the demon’s idea of discipline was corporal punishment, wearing Xander’s defences down and taking what Angelus wanted.

Angel wanted to protect Xander as well. But the soul’s reasons differed greatly from the demon’s. Angel wanted to protect Xander from harm. Protect him so he could grow strong and independent. Angelus simply wanted to protect what he perceived to be his property.

Xander’s heartbeat slowly picket up speed as he woke up. Sleepy brown eyes looked into Angel’s.

“It’s time to get up, Xander.” Angel whispered and ran a hand through the boy’s dark curls. A muttered protest made the vampire smile “I know you’re comfy,” his strong hands moved from the silky locks to Xander’s back “but we need to get up and remember…we agreed that you should start your training today.”

“Five more minutes, please?” Xander wheedled and didn’t move an inch.

\-------------------------------------------

“Ah! The dead arise,” Cordy teased when Angel and Xander joined the ex-cheerleader and the rest of the crew in the kitchen. Xander looked down at the floor but not before Fred caught the small smile that briefly appeared on his face. She would have to remember to tell Cordy about that.

They ate breakfast and talked about their latest case. An old lady had called and said she thought that maybe her late husband “dear Reggie” was haunting her house. “He keeps moving the furniture around and writes obscene things on my new flowery wallpaper,” she had complained on the phone.

“Probably some old crazy woman with cats living in her hair,” Gunn said as he drank his coffee.

“In her hair?” Wesley asked and looked worried. Fred giggled and shook her head.

Cordy smiled and watched Angel pour milk in Xander’s glass. Without a word the vampire slowly moved the glass closer to Xander and put another piece of buttered toast on the young man‘s plate. Xander looked at Angel.

“We’ll be training later. You’ll need your strength,” Angel said. Xander just nodded and ate it all.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Xander stood in the training room Angel had made in the basement of the hotel. Gunn and Angel were pulling the training mats out on the floor.

“We’ll start off by working on how to fall right,” Gunn said and moved over to Xander. He made sure not to touch him “You’ll be training with me,” Xander looked anxiously over at Angel “Angel is gonna stay and watch…make sure you’re okay.”

“I asked him to do this, Xander.” Angel said as he moved closer to the boy “I’m afraid I might hurt you without wanting to,” the vampire touched Xander’s shoulder “Gunn is human. He has the same weak points as you and he’s not too strong for you to spar with him,” Xander reluctantly nodded and Angel moved away to give the two humans room.

Gunn and Xander trained for half an hour. Xander seemed to grow more confident as the two men sparred. Angel was leaning against the wall watching Xander move when it happened. Gunn caught Xander on the shoulder with a surprise attack that send the younger man to the floor.

Xander landed with a loud thud on his stomach and Gunn rushed over to help. Xander’s t-shirt had been pulled up exposing most of his back. The words William The Bloody still stood out as angry pink scars against the young man’s pale back. Gunn leaned over Xander and put a hand on the small of his back. The reaction was instant.

Xander turned around and pushed Gunn away sending the street fighter sprawling on the mat. Xander grabbed hold of Gunn’s shoulder with one hand while he kept punching him in the face with the other.

“I was good. I was, I was!” Xander screamed. Angel pulled him off the bleeding Gunn “I did what you wanted. I was good, I was always good. You bastard. Bastard!” Xander yelled as Angel held him close.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“He’s sleeping,” Angel said and closed the door to his and Xander’s bedroom behind him. Gunn was waiting in the hallway. He was leaning against Wesley and holding an icepack against the bruises on his face.

“He’s gonna be okay, right?” Gunn asked as he removed the icepack revealing a swollen cheek and eye.

“I think so,” Angel nodded “I’m sorry, Gunn. I had no idea…”

“Don’t sweat it, man. Look…this proves that he can protect himself,” Gunn grinned “And even if he had to kick my black ass for us to find out that’s gotta be good news.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

The driver of the dark car racing down the highway reached over to turn the volume up. The music blared out and filled the car. The driver sang along.

“I am an anarchist. Don't know what I want,” He sniggered. Oh he knew what he wanted. ”But I know how to get it. I wanna destroy the passerby,” He had paid for the information. Well…he’d said he would pay. What he actually did was break the wanker’s neck after he got what he wanted.

And now he was off to LA. Off to visit Peaches and check up on his pet.

”And I wanna be an anarchist,” Spike took a swig from the almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels. He opened the window and threw the bottle out. ”Get pissed,” the blond vampire sang ”Destroy!”

\------------------------------------------------------------- 

Xander murmured contentedly and Angel smiled down at him. The last few days since the incident in the training room had been difficult to get through. Mostly because Xander felt guilty every time he caught a glimpse of the bruises on Gunn’s face. But the street fighter’s attitude toward Xander had made the boy relax and they had even resumed their sparring sessions.

Angel ran a hand over Xander’s shoulder and the boy moved closer to the vampire. Xander slowly shifting onto his side. They were facing each other. Angel’s hands were clenched under the covers. He wanted to touch , to run his hands down all that warm skin. But he wouldn’t, not unless Xander made the first move. And Xander wouldn’t, Angel thought, because the boy wasn’t…

Xander inched closer and briefly - chastely - kissed Angel. The vampire was so stunned that he froze and didn’t move. Xander immediately noticed and looked away.

”Sorry,” the young man whispered anxiously. Angel reached out, gently pulled Xander closer and kissed him. Held him close and moved so Xander was resting on top of Angel.

”Angel?” Gunn was knocking on the door ”Hey, man! Cordy just had a vision.”

”What?” Angel sighed and looked over at the door and frowned. ”Can’t you guys take care of it on your own?” he huffed.

”No,” Gunn sniggered ”Get your ass out here. Cordy said we would need you,” Gunn sounded amused.

Xander kissed Angel’s neck and moved away. He watched as Angel got dressed. Just as Angel was about to close the door behind him he caught Xander’s tentative smile and smiled back.

\---------------------------------------------------

Whenever Angel had to leave the hotel he made sure someone else stayed with Xander. But because Xander didn’t really trust anyone he almost always ended up locking himself in the bathroom.

Lorne would sit on the floor leaning against the locked bathroom door and sing for Xander. If Fred was the one staying with him she would talk and babble about magic and science and books she’d read. Anything to take Xander’s mind of his vampire-less state. Cordy would rave on about just how amazingly annoying her neighbours were or what Dennis the ghost had been up to lately.

They weren’t really sure he was listening. He rarely answered. Never talked unless Angel was around as if he was afraid to say the wrong thing. When Angel came back the vampire would knock on the door and tell Xander he was back. The door was always immediately unlocked and Xander would gravitate toward Angel and sigh contently when he was hugged against the vampire’s chest.

And because it had turned out that the old lady wasn’t crazy and didn’t have cats living in her hair - not to mention that her husband was indeed haunting her house - Cordy was staying behind with Xander while the rest of the crew went off to help the old lady.

\---------------------------------------------------

“And then I told her, that honestly, if I was wearing what was obviously last seasons colours I wouldn’t be bitching about the length of someone else’s skirt.”

Xander listened to Cordy’s voice slightly muffled by the bathroom door.

“And then she said…Are you listening, Xander?” Xander made an affirmative sound “Good. Right she said…” Cordy stopped. Xander could hear her move on the other side of the door.

“Cordy?” he asked.

“Xander I’m just gonna go downstairs. It sounds like someone just came in…but,” Cordy sounded uncertain.

“What?”

“I locked the front doors and I don’t think Angel and the boys are back yet…I’ll just go check. Okay?” The sound of Cordy’s shoes click clacking on the floor disappeared down the hallway.

Xander waited and waited. Nothing. Cordy didn’t come back. He would have to…a thud and a strangled scream made Xander unlock the door and rip it open. He ran down the hallway and the stairs.

Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He started shaking.

Cordy was on the floor in the middle of the lobby. Knocked out. Oh God Please let her be knocked out, Xander frantically thought. The only other person in the lobby turned and looked straight at Xander and said

“Hello, pet.”


	6. Chapter 6

For a few mind numbing fear filled minutes Xander thought he was back in the old abandoned house. Back on that stinking mattress waiting. His head hurt and he was almost certain he had a concussion. He touched the back of his head and his fingers came back drenched in blood.

He felt cold. Cold and frightened and disorientated. There was something…like when you walk into a room and have this feeling that you went there with a purpose. Maybe you just wanted to find a spoon or a CD or whatever but suddenly you just can’t remember why you’re standing there looking for God knows what. That feeling of knowing something and yet not knowing was driving him crazy.

He looked around the room. The wallpaper seemed vaguely familiar. Stylish but simple. He attempted to turn around slowly shifting to his side but had to stop. Broken ribs. The pain momentarily froze every movement. Small shallow breaths. Then a new attempt. He succeeded and was now facing Cordy. Blood smeared over her face. Broken nose.

He was about to reach out and touch her when the sound of a door opening made him look up. Black boots filled his view and a rush of fear made his breath hitch.

“You look good, Xander.” Spike said as he crouched down in front of the two humans. He was smiling as if this was a chance meeting between long lost friends. As if Xander was glad to see him again.

“No,” Xander whispered and slowly scooted back across the floor. And now he recognised the room. It was Angel’s room. It was their bedroom. “No,” he repeated when his back hit the wall farthest from the blond vampire.

“No?” Spike laughed “You don’t look good?” and Xander realised that even though he had removed himself from Spike’s immediate vicinity Cordy was still right there. Unconscious in front of Spike.

Spike ran a pale hand through Cordy’s hair. He smiled at Xander.

“No,” Xander said again. He felt impotent, useless. No matter what he did or said he couldn’t stop the vampire.

“Pretty one isn’t she?” Spike turned Cordy over on her back.

“Don’t.”

“Are ya telling me what I can or can’t do, pet?” Spike asked, his eyes tinted with gold. Xander shook his head. “No? Then what?” the blond vampire tilted his head and smiled.

Xander knew what he would have to do. Knew it and still wasn’t sure he could. Wasn’t sure he would survive it. He had survived it once, barely, but could he repeat that performance? Cordy moaned. She was waking up.

Xander slowly stood up ribs screaming in protest as he moved closer to the vampire. When all was said and done…when he looked at all the possible outcomes of this…You could always live with doing the right thing. He needed to believe that. He needed it to be true even if he knew it wasn’t.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike was scrutinising Xander’s every move. The young man stopped by the bed. Angel’s bed by the scent of it. Angel’s and Xander’s. The vampire smiled. Oh, but wouldn’t it be sweet to leave Angel a little message right there in the middle of that big bed. 

A message written in blood and gore. A message telling the souled bastard that he, Angel, had failed his duty. Had failed to protect the humans. Oh yes Angel would walk in to find his pet and his seer broken. Disembowelled, eviscerated, lost.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Man! For a second there I thought my ears would fall right off,” Gunn said as they slowly walked back to the Hyperion “I mean...yeah so she didn’t have any cats in her hair or anywhere else but why did she think we wanted to see all her fucking picture albums.”

“My eyeballs are dry,” Wesley deadpanned and Gunn laughed.

“She did seem to like you a lot, English.” the street fighter teased. “But ya gotta wonder…If those pictures were anything to go by,” Gunn said “they looked happy so why the hell did her dead husband decide to haunt her and write smut on her living room walls?”

“Jealousy,” Angel explained “She was getting on with her life…seeing new people and he…well he was dead.” 

The two humans nodded in agreement.

“Till death do us part,” Wesley mumbled.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Fred was really excided. She had bought a dress at the mall. Cordy had told her that she should wear dresses and skirts. That she shouldn’t hide her “sexy leg” in jeans anymore. So Fred had gone out and bought a beautiful blue dress. Simple in its design but beautiful none the less. She fished through her purse for the key to the Hyperion’s front doors. When she finally found them she noticed that the door was already standing ajar.

What she didn’t notice as she walked through the open doors was that the handle was hanging loose. Broken.

“Cordy!” she yelled and ran up the stairs “You gotta see this dress. It’s so beautiful.”

\------------------------------------------------------------

Xander froze. Spike looked from the young man to the door and smiled.

“Well well well,” the vampire said and rubbed his hands together. “Looks like we’ll be getting company,” the smile on Spike’s face was almost blinding.

“Cordy?” they heard Fred yell somewhere down the hallway.

“I’ll do anything you want, Spike.” Xander said eyes travelling from Cordy on the floor to the closed door leading to the hallway “Anything,” the young man emphasized.

“I know,” Spike said and casually sat down on the bed “I know you’ll do anything,” the vampire got up again and walked over to Xander. Spike looked him in the eyes. He seemed to be searching for something. “You’d do anything to save the girls wouldn’t ya?” Spike looked over at Cordy. She was slowly moving her head back and forth.

“Yes,” Xander answered. The sound of Fred coming closer all the time “Let Fred go, please.” Xander looked down at his feet and said “I-I…I’ll be g-good,” Spike laughed and backhanded Xander so hard the human fainted.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Someone was crying. Quietly. Almost as if they hadn’t even noticed it themselves. Xander’s head felt heavy and his vision was a little blurred. He was on the bed hands above his head tied to the headboard with…shoelaces?

“Coming around again then, pet.” Spike’s voice sounded triumphant. Xander lifted his head and slowly scanned the room. Cordy was curled up in the farthest corner. Her hands tied together with a belt. Xander’s belt. The ex-cheerleader’s eyes were big and frightened. Cordy frantically tilted her head in the direction of the door making Xander turn his head. He gasped when he saw Spike standing there holding on to a sobbing Fred. The vampire’s fingers were digging into the girl’s slender upper arm.

“See, bint?” Spike laughed “He’s waking up,” he traced his other hand up the side of Fred’s body “Think he can save ya?” Fred closed her eyes. Spike pulled her closer and tied her hands together behind her back. He dumped her unceremoniously next to Cordy.

“You girls think Xander wants ta play?” Spike was crouched in front of the two women “I taught him all kinds of tricks, I did. Maybe we should show these lovely ladies some of them, Xander?” Spike walked over to the bed and smiled down at the struggling man. “Now none of that, ya hear. If you fight me I’ll just have to get me a new pet,” the vampire looked over at Cordy and Fred.

“No…please don’t,” Xander begged.

“Ya always begged so nicely. You’ll be good?” Spike asked. Xander felt like throwing up. His wrists hurt and a small trickle of blood ran down his arm.

“I…I’ll be good,” the answer made the vampire smirk.

“Yeah. I know ya will,” Spike licked his lips and turned to look at the girls “Ya’re in for a treat,” he said as he unzipped Xander’s pants and roughly pulled them down.

“Bastard,” Cordy yelled “Fucking bastard. Angel’s gonna dust your ass!”

\-------------------------------------------------

“Angel, man. Dust his ass!” Gunn yelled as they were attacked by a group of fledges.

\------------------------------------------------

Xander closed his eyes. If he couldn’t see it happening maybe then he could pretend. Maybe.

“Open ya eyes, pet.” Spike said as he loomed over the young man “You gotta watch this. Can’t hide away,” Xander shuddered “Ya want your girls ta see ya all weak like that?“ the vampire mocked.

“Please,” Fred begged quietly.

“You hear that, Xander? Can’t keep our audience waiting now can we,” Spike pushed Xander’s thighs apart. “Always so bloody warm,” Spike sighed as he roughly pushed himself into the shivering body.

Xander could faintly hear Fred, or was it Cordy?, throwing up. He tried to focus on that. The sound of a throat working and gagging, the quiet sobbing of……no that was him. He was the one sobbing.

\--------------------------------------------------

Angel brushed the last remnants of dust off his leather jacket and turned to check on Gunn and Wesley. The two humans were both arguing about the body or in this case the vamp count.

“Let’s get back to the hotel,” Angel said “Xander must be worried.”

\---------------------------------------------------

Xander was on his stomach with Spike straddling his lower back. Xander could see Cordy and Fred in the corner. The two women were sitting as close to each other as they could. Their eyes red. Cordy hadn’t looked away once. It was as if she was burning the image of Xander’s torture into her brain. Remembering every thrust, every bite.

“Now let’s renew this here. Right, pet?” Spike said and ran his hand over the letters carved into Xander’s back. The vampire traced the W and the I “Hmmm these are almost gone. Guess I’ll just ’ave ta cut deeper this time. Yeah…” Spike seemed to consider that for a while slowly turning the small sharp knife in his hand. “Could mark ya good an’ proper,” he said and pinched the skin on Xander’s neck, the human gasped.

“Could mark ya so the Poof couldn’t take ya from me.”


	7. Chapter 7

Something was wrong. He sensed it before he saw the broken door handle. Knew it when they walked into the lobby. The blood splattered on the floor was silent, irrevocable proof.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Xander felt his gaze held by Cordy’s. Her beautiful eyes made him feel safe. Despite everything. Despite the pain. Despite…

“Almost done with ya back, pet.” Spike said as he started cutting the last few letters “Then I’ll mark ya. Claim you as mine.”

\------------------------------------------------------

Angel held his hand up. Gunn and Wesley stopped moving. The two men stood silently in the lobby, watching the tall vampire. Angel scented the air. Picking up faint traces of Cordy and Fred. Apart from the two women the hotel reeked of fear and blood. Xander’s blood and the stench of the Aurelius clan. Spike. It took all of Angel’s willpower to stay focused.

To plan.

\------------------------------------------------------

Spike climbed off the bed. Xander felt cold. The sheets were drenched in cooling blood. Spike reached out and moved a lock of dark hair out of Xander’s eyes.

“Pretty,” the vampire murmured “Shouldn’t have let the bitch and the poof take ya from me. Should have fought ’em or…” Spike leant down and kissed Xander’s pale cheek “Maybe I should have killed you,” the knife cut a thin trail down Xander’s arm “Should have used you and killed ya. Should have left you on the Slayer’s doorstep.”

Spike put the knife away and started stroking Xander’s back not paying heed to the deep cuts. "It's not too late, pet.” Spike whispered in Xander’s ear. “Not too late ta make ya mine.”

\------------------------------------------------------

Angel was standing outside the door. Gunn was behind him carrying a crossbows. Angel looked over at Gunn and nodded. The street fighter took a step back and kicked the door in.

\-----------------------------------------------------

One moment Xander was clutching the blood covered sheets, his eyes closed as he attempted to stay conscious despite the pain in his neck. The next he was pulled off the bed and thrown in the corner landing between Cordy and Fred. Spike was standing in front of them facing Angel and Gunn. The human had a crossbow pointed at Spike. Angel was in game face. Snarling.

Xander started shaking. Finally feeling the last remnants of his strength seep out of him. Out of the wounds covering his back. Out of the shallow pinpoints in his neck. He felt warm hands on his shoulders. “You’ll be all right Xander.”

And it was comforting…

Even if it was a lie.

\--------------------------------------------------

Angel took in every detail of the room in a split second. Cordy’s broken nose. Fred’s tears. The bed. Rumbled sheets covered in blood. There was even a bloody handprint on the wall above the headboard. 

Spike standing in front of the three humans. Standing in front of Xander. The blood running down Xander’s back and shoulders.

Spike.

\--------------------------------------------------

Gunn was pointing the crossbow at the blond vampire. The stench of blood was overwhelming and even if the street fighter wasn’t a vamp he could still practically smell the fear filling the room. 

Angel was focused on Spike and he took a step toward the smaller vampire. Gunn followed a few steps behind eyes moving from the three humans cowering on the floor to the vamp.

“Let them go!” Angel demanded eyes locked with Spike’s.

“The boy belongs to me,” the blond vampire said and grabbed Xander by the hair. The young man gasped. “I claimed him. He’s mine!” Spike insisted.

“You didn’t finish it, William.” Angel growled “He isn’t yours if you don’t finish the claiming.”

Spike snarled and his fingers clenched harder around Xander’s hair.

“You were always so fucking useless, Spike. Never had any patience. Pathetic,” Angel’s words made the other vampire growl and attack.

Gunn let the arrow fly. It hit the blond vampire’s shoulder. Making him stumble a few steps backwards. He looked down at the metal arrow and laughed. “Bloody hell, Angel. ’M not a werewolf.” Spike grabbed the arrow and pulled it out.

“Not trying to kill you, William.” Angel said taking a few more steps toward the swaying vampire.

“You‘re not?” Spike sounded mildly surprised.

“No,” Angel shook his head.

“You’ll be feeling a bit dizzy,” Gunn said gesturing with the crossbow.

“Whot?” Spike looked confused.

“Tranquilizer,” Gunn simply said and pointed at the arrow in Spike’s hand.

\--------------------------------------------

”Everything’s prepared, Angel.” Wesley said and helped chain Spike to the chair.

”Good,” Angel said and pulled on the chains to make sure they would hold.

”Angel? Is this really what you want. I mean…” Wesley’s voice trailed off.

”Yes,” Angel answered and walked out of the room.

\--------------------------------------------

Xander was curled up on the bed covered with Gunn’s jacket. Cordy had tried to touch him but the young man had begged her not to. Fred clung to Gunn’s side. Her eyes big and frightened.

Angel stood in the doorway for a few seconds before he spoke.

”Gunn, take Fred and Cordy to the ER.” Gunn nodded but then turned and looked at Xander.

”And Xander? What about him?” the human asked.

”I’ve already called a healer,” Angel answered his eyes not leaving the shivering body on the bed.

\-----------------------------------------------------

”You what!” Cordy yelled and was pointing a shaking finger at Angel ”You what,” she repeated almost silently. Wesley reached out to touch her shoulder. To calm her down but the ex-cheerleader moved away.

”It’s done, Cordy.” the vampire said eyes firmly locked on the top of the table. ”It’s done and that’s it.”

”And Xander?” she asked eyes dark and angry ”What about him? What about what he wants? Needs?”

Angel looked up at the ceiling. Xander was upstairs in one of the spare rooms. Lorne was with him. ”When Xander is well enough to hear…to understand…I’ll tell him.”

\------------------------------------------------------

The screaming was driving Gunn insane. The begging as well. Spike just wouldn’t shut up.

But it was Xander’s silence that drove the street fighter out of the hotel.

\---------------------------------------------------

Angel watched Xander. Waited. Xander looked at him as if he’d never noticed Angel before.

”Where is he?” Xander asked.

”In the basement. Locked up. Chained,” Angel answered.

”A soul?” Xander’s eyes seemed almost vacant ”You punished him by giving him a soul?” There was pain hidden in his voice. Pain and disappointment. Angel nodded.

”Get out,” Xander whispered.

\---------------------------------------------------

Angel stood outside the door to their bedroom. A new one because Xander wouldn’t sleep in the old one. He stood there and listened to Xander. The boy was sobbing. Angel opened the door and walked back in. Stopped when he saw Xander hunched over on the floor. Hands wrapped around his middle. Xander slowly rocked back and forth. A mumbled promise whispered to the floor.

”I’ll be good.”

\--------------------------------------------------

Xander looked up at Angel. They were standing in front of the door leading to the room where Spike had spend the last month. A stake was placed in the human’s hand.

”You can’t kill him,” Angel reminded Xander and embraced the young man ”And you,” the vampire said turning to Cordy ”keep him safe,” Angel’s hand was resting on Xander’s shoulder. Cordy nodded.

\--------------------------------------------------

Spike looked up as the door opened. Someone walked in and the door was closed again. He tried to focus. He was so tired. His throat felt raw from all the screaming.

Hours, days, a month he had been trapped in this room. In this chair. Being revisited by all his victims again and again. His mother was the most frequent one. Her presents always heralded by the scent of lavender. The scent of simpler days and sunshine. The scent of his childhood.

The others were always preceded by the stench of blood and fear. Of humiliation and anger. Spike had begged Angel to stake him. To end his misery. Angel said only one word.

“Xander.”

\---------------------------------------------------

Spike looked so small sitting chained to the chair. Small and fragile. His skin seemed grey. Xander’s hand tightened around the stake. Spike looked up at Xander. Was he smiling?

“X-Xander?” the blond vampire asked and squinted slightly. Xander didn’t answer but looked over at Cordy standing by the wall. Her eyes were locked on Spike.

“Yes,” Xander answered. He walked closer to the chained vampire and knelt down. Spike’s eyes were big and disbelieving.

“Y-you died?” Spike seemed to shrink a little.

“I wanted to…but no. I didn’t die,” the young man looked into the vampire’s red tear-filled eyes “Are you in pain?”

“Y-yes I-I’m…in pain,” Spike stuttered.

“Good,” Cordy said “It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving vamp.”

Xander placed the stake on the floor in front of the chained vampire.

“I’ll give you something you never gave me,” Xander said, still kneeling in front of Spike “Sometimes when you were using me,“ Spike flinched “…when you passed me around to your friends…I’d dream about it…Death. Dreamt about having the choice,” Xander’s voice grew in strength “So I’ll grant you this.”

The young man reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. He unlocked one of the shackles around Spike’s wrist then got up and stepped back “I’m sure you can reach the stake,” Xander walked to the door, opened it and walked out leaving Spike and Cordy behind.

“I hope you use it,” Cordy said and looked at the stake on the floor. She walked over to the open door, paused and turned around “He’s not Xander anymore, you know. The Xander I knew always had hope. You took that away from him. He might be breathing and making all the appropriate noises but you still killed him.”

The seer closed the door behind her leaving Spike alone with his choice.

\-----------------------------------------

“I called Sunnydale,” Angel said looking down at Spike. The blond vampire wasn’t chained to the chair anymore. Spike just nodded and closed his eyes.

\------------------------------------------

The lobby was filled with voices. They all seemed to talk louder than normal. As if attempting to force the gloom away. Willow and Tara talked about magic and the use of kwizarat root in locator spells. Fred nervously tried to get a word in edgewise. Cordy looked pissed off and Buffy stood close to Giles.

But Xander only noticed Spike standing next to Gunn. The pale vampire was quietly studying the floor. Xander felt a hand on his back. Angel‘s. Xander closed his eyes enjoying the contact and the reassurance.

Buffy walked over to Angel. She noticed where the tall vampire’s hand rested and frowned. The slayer looked at Xander but quickly looked away.

“You’re staying here?” she asked. Her eyes focused on the wall above Xander’s head. Xander felt Angel shift slightly closer to him.

“Yes,” Xander confirmed and smiled a little when Angel started to rub his back.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Willow hugged him. Her small hands pulling his bigger body closer to hers. Xander promised to write and call. Willow attempted to persuade him to come back with them “just for a visit” but Xander said no. They hugged. Again. Trying to draw out the inevitable and not succeeding.

Angel walked over and quietly said “It’s time,” he touched Xander’s hand.

“Do I need to give you the shovel talk?” Willow asked shooting Angel a worried look.

Angel surprised the witch by hugging her and whispering a “no” in her hair.

Xander watched as Angel walked over to Buffy. She was standing with Spike next to her. Angel looked at Spike and everyone grew quiet. Spike looked up at the older vampire.

“You do what they tell you to, William.” Angel said “If you do anything to jeopardise them I’ll be the one to take care of things.” Spike nodded “And Spike? I’m not going to give you a choice. Understood?”

“Yes,” Spike said his voice hoarse. He looked over at Xander then back at the floor and said

“I’ll be good.”


	8. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1st epilogue

Angel woke up alone. The bed was cold so Xander had been up for quite some time. Grumbling, Angel got up and walked out in the hallway and down the stairs. The lobby was empty as well. A small sound made the vampire go into his office.

Xander was standing by the desk staring at the phone. Angel sighed.

“Xander?” the boy didn’t move “Xander are you all right?”

The boy nodded and mumbled “Bad dream.”

They always were. Bad. At least Angel didn’t wake up to a screaming Xander every night anymore. Like in the beginning. Angel walked over and pulled the young man close. Hugging him. Letting the boy’s warmth seep into the vampire’s cooler skin.

“You know he isn’t here,” Angel never said Spike’s name.

Xander flinched “Yeah.”

“Go ahead,” Angel kissed Xander’s neck and let go of him. Xander picked up the phone and dialled a number he knew by heart and waited.

“Giles?” Xander tentatively asked voice small and shivering.

“I know it’s late,” Xander said, his fingers playing with the hem of his t-shirt. Angel growled, angry that Giles would complain.

“Is…is he still there? Is Spike still in Sunnydale?” Xander held his breath.

“Okay. But…Giles are you sure?” a small pause, Angel could hear Giles sigh, then Xander asked “Are you…um…are you looking at him?” Angel caressed the boy’s rigid back. Some of the tension seemed to disappear.

Angel could faintly hear Giles move around and then “Thank you Giles. Thanks…I know I woke you up but I just needed…yeah. Thanks again,” Xander listened and nodded “Good night.”

Angel embraced Xander. Held him close trying to erase the fear coming off the boy in waves.

“I dreamed he was here again. That he left Sunnydale and…” Xander stopped, his hands clenching into fists “That he left Sunnydale and that Buffy and Giles and everybody didn’t notice. Didn’t notice him coming back for me,” a few shivers ran through the young man’s body.

“They would call, Xander. They would call and I would find him and stake him,” Angel whispered in Xander’s ear. “He’s never coming back for you.”

“I know. Really I do but…” Xander’s voice trailed off.

“It still feels real,” Angel finished. Xander nodded. “Does this feel real?” Angel asked, lips so close to Xander’s that they touched when he spoke. The young man nodded again.

“Look at me Xander,” Angel demanded. “He will never touch you again! Never! Do you understand?” Xander looked Angel in the eyes and nodded. “Go back to bed, Xander. I’ll be up in a minute.”

Angel watched Xander walk up the stairs to their bedroom. The vampire turned and saw that the phone was still off the hook. Angel grabbed it and squeezed it. The sound of cracking plastic filled the otherwise quiet room.

He’d have to buy a new one tomorrow. And another one he could install in their bedroom. Next to the bed on Xander’s nightstand.


	9. The slow burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2nd epilogue

Xander was nervously waiting for Angel to return from his trip to see Lorne. The poor Pylean would have to listen to Angel croon. Xander snorted. Probably some really crappy song like Mandy. And when he came back home - and wasn’t that weird thinking about the Hyperion as home - Xander would be waiting for him. Here. In their bed.

Angel had been patient. Xander even more so because he was ready and had been for some time now. There had been the whole Oh-God-what-if-you-lose-your-soul thing but apparently Angel had taken care of that with the help of the two magnificent witches Willow and Tara. He’d have to send them flowers tomorrow. Uh and chocolate. If he ever got out of bed again.

The door opened. Angel walked in. And all Xander’s plans went out the window. Angel just stood there and looked at the candles and the very naked Xander in their bed. Xander started laughing.

“Shit,” Angel said “Shit!”

“No,” Xander laughed again “ No, Angel...that would be demon slime.” Angel closed his eyes and sighed.

“I have the worst timing,” Angel said and walked into the bathroom. “I’m really sorry…” he said poking his head into the bedroom again. His eyes stopping at the bottle of oil on the nightstand. The vampire swallowed something and continued “I could just rinse the gung off.”

“No way. I’m not sleeping with a slime covered vamp,” Xander shook his head “Go! Take a shower.”

Angel disappeared again. Xander could hear him showering and cursing. When he heard Angel sigh contently he got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Xander stood there watching Angel’s broad back through the glass.

“Gonna come in here and join me, Xander” Angel said and looked over his shoulder.

“And lose this great view?”

“View’s better in here,” Angel promised. Xander smiled, walked over and opened the sliding door. Angel turned around and pulled Xander under the warm water spray. The vampire ran his hand through Xander’s dark hair and kissed him.

“I’m ready, Angel.” Xander whispered and rested his head against Angel’s chest.

“You sure…I can wait Xander. We don’t need to do this now. Maybe it’s too…” Angel was interrupted by Xander.

“If we wait one more day…Hell if we wait an hour I’ll explode and not in the nice sexy way, Angel.”

“We could just…” Angel started.

“No Angel. No just no! Fingerplay only goes so far. Oh and cue blushing…But still, sex yay! And I got the lube and the candles and all the other stuff and I was thinking that hey tonight was gonna be the big night and then you come home covered in demon slime and have to take a shower and everything and I’m practically throwing myself at you and you just wanna sit around and hold hands and um…Angel? Why are you laughing?”

“You’re babbling. I haven’t heard you babble for almost two years,” Angel said kissing Xander’s neck.

“Oh,” Xander whispered.

“But before we get out of the shower…before we go to bed…together…There’s something I have to do,” Angel looked into Xander’s eyes and got down on his knees.

“Um you have to propose?” Xander said with a smirk. Angel didn’t answer. His mouth was busy doing other things. Xander closed his eyes and simply felt. Felt Angel’s soft caresses down strong thighs. Felt a talented…oh God…a very talented tongue. Then a mouth and fingers and at that point Xander’s brain started watching stars implode and small suns explode.

Angel was kissing his neck again. Xander tried to focus.

“Oh oh okay. Intense,” Xander said holding on to Angel’s shoulders. Angel turned the water off and reached out of the still open door to grab a towel. The vampire wrapped Xander in it and started walking out of the bathroom pulling Xander along.

The bed creaked as they sat down on it. Angel reached up and cupped Xander’s face. They kissed again. Only stopping because Xander needed air.

Angel pulled Xander down next to him on the bed so they lay curled around each other. The vampire whispered against the boy’s naked shoulder

“This is all for you. For us. There’s no taking only giving.”


	10. Past revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3rd epilogue

“Oh my God!” Cordy laughed “She so did not say that.”

“No really,” Gunn nodded “She did. She called Wesley little man!”

“I don’t really see the need for you to retell that story again and again,” Wesley huffed, crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Gunn. Fred was giggling into her hand and looked apologetically up at the ex-watcher when his glare turned to her.

“So let me get this straight,” Xander smiled “Wesley saved her life by getting rid of the demon that possessed her cat…”

“It was called Casper,” Gunn snorted and Angel started laughing. Xander smirked and continued.

“Wesley saved her life by getting rid of the demon that possessed her cat Casper,” Xander chuckled when Gunn started humming the theme song from the cartoon “And she thanked him by saying…”

“Oh,” Gunn squeaked in a high-pitched trembling voice “Thank you little man!”

They all laughed. Wesley glared at them and tried to defend himself “She weighed something like 440 pounds.”

Xander smiled and looked at Angel. The vampire’s attention was on the demons surrounding them. “Hey,” Xander whispered and leant closer to Angel. Angel reached out and touched Xander’s hand.

“Looks like we need more drinks,” Gunn said and started getting up.

“I’ll go get it,” Xander said and waved Gunn back “It’s my round anyway. The same?” he asked the people gathered around the table.

“Uuuuuuh yes,” Fred nodded enthusiastically and pointed a finger at her tall glass of greenish alcohol “More of that, please.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

Xander stood by the crowded bar and waited. Joffrey, a huge grey demon with floppy ears, was taking orders left and right. Xander could wait. It wasn’t like Fred really needed another drink right away.

“Move out of my way, human.” someone growled in Xander’s ear. Xander’s whole body tensed. He knew that voice. Heard it in his nightmares. Pretty little boy, it would whisper, gonna hurt you sooo goooood. Xander stood still hoping the demon would just walk past him. Forget about him.

 

“You deaf?” strong hands grabbed him and forced him around. Forced him to face one of the many monsters that roamed his nightmares. Sharp teeth, blue skin, broad nose and black eyes. Completely black eyes. A slow smile spread over the demon’s face. “Well, I’ll be damned,” the demon sniggered “It’s Spike’s little pet.”

Xander shook his head and tried to pull away but the demon was much bigger than him. Much stronger.

He opened his mouth, wanting to call out, wanting to scream for Angel to come help him, but his voice seemed to have dried up. Disappeared.

“Wonder if your blood still tastes all sweet like before,” the demon pondered and licked Xander’s throat. “Where’s your master, pet? Wouldn’t mind fucking you again,” the demon’s warm breath ghosted over Xander’s neck.

“You’re a little fatter,” the demon looked at Xander and nodded “Spike must be feeding you better. Or maybe you just learned how to suck cock good enough to deserve being fed properly,” the demon grinned.

“L-l-let g-go of m-me,” Xander stuttered. His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

“He got rid of the silencing spell too, I see.” black eyes travelled over Xander’s body.

“H-he ssss,” Xander tried.

“Where is he? I wanna have some fun with you.” the demon started looking around the crowded room.

“S-s-spike isn’t here,” Xander finally stuttered and immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say when the demon smiled.

\--------------------------------------------------

“Where’s Xander?” Angel asked and looked around the room.

“Said he’d get me one more greeeeeennnn drink,” Fred hiccupped. Gunn laughed and Cordy rubbed her shoulder.

“I’ll just go check he’s all right,” Angel said and got up.

\--------------------------------------------------

“Please, don’t,” Xander said as he was pushed face first against the alley wall.

“Let’s see if you’re just as warm as you used to be,” the demon huffed against Xander’s neck and started pulling on the human’s pants. Xander closed his eyes and waited. The demon was cursing but finally got the belt buckle opened.

“If Spike isn’t around then he won’t mind me having some fun, will he.” the blue demon laughed.

“No, but I would,” a deep voice boomed behind the demon.

“Angel,” Xander gasped when the demon pressed him harder against the wall.

“This pet yours?” the demon growled.

“No,” Angel answered.

 

“Then it’s not really your problem if I fuck him out here in the alley.”

“He’s nobodies pet,” Angel snarled.

“Then if he isn‘t claimed I can take him if I want him,” the blue demon said. Strong fingers carted through Xander’s dark hair only to make a fist and pull his head back exposing his neck.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Hey Angel,” Gunn said and stood up when the vampire returned with Xander “What happened to your shirt, man?” the street fighter pointed at Angel’s torn dark blue shirt.

“Nothing,” Angel said “We’re all going home.”

“But my green drink?” Fred lamented.

“I’ll make you a green drink back at the hotel,” Cordy promised, taking in Xander’s frightened eyes and the bruise slowly forming on the young man’s face.

“Oh….’K,” Fred nodded.

Wesley stood up “Everything all right?” he asked and looked at Xander.

“I took care of it,” Angel said.

\-------------------------------------------

“Xander?” Angel stood outside the bathroom door his head resting against the oak. Xander disappeared the second they returned to the hotel. The human had mumbled something about showering. That had been an hour ago. The sound of the water running almost drowned out the quiet sobbing.

Angel reached out and turned the door handle. It wasn’t locked. Angel took a step into the bathroom and then stood still. Xander was sitting on the floor in the shower stall, water pounding on his fully clothed body. Xander was shivering so badly Angel could hear the human’s teeth rattle.

“Xander?” Angel walked over to Xander and reached out. The freezing cold water hitting his hand startled him and he stood up and turned the water off.

“I j-just want to be c-c-c-clean,” Xander whispered. He was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest. He rested his head on his wet jeans.

“You are clean,” Angel said and started undressing Xander. The jeans clung to the cold and clammy skin but they finally came off. Angel reached out and took one of the towels from the shelf next to the sink and wrapped it around Xander.

“I-I w-wanted,” Xander shivered from the shock and the freezing water “I w-wanted to tell him no…” Angel helped Xander up and they moved into the bedroom. Xander curled up under the covers “But m-my voice…My v-voice was…It was like back there…In that house on the mattress.”

Angel closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down by remembering how it had sounded when his hand had literally smashed through the demon’s chest.

“I-I remember him, Angel.” Xander whispered his voice slurred with exhaustion “Spike let h-him use me be-because he o-owed him some mo-money.” Angel heard the shame in Xander’s voice and wanted to go back in that alley and kill the bastard one more time. Slowly. “Three times…Angel…three times,” Xander’s voice trailed off as he fell asleep.


End file.
